I will never be an easy person to love,
when you call me up at four am, because you cannot get to sleep, and your heart is racing, and you need to talk,
I will be asleep.
I will not hear the phone ring.

I will never be an easy person to love
When you are crying because you are scared I will leave like everyone else,
and you need me to promise that I will stick around,
I won’t be able to make that promise.
I will just look at you and say,
“the likelihood of me staying isn’t very high,
in fact, it’s very low, and you shouldn’t
need me this way”
I may wipe your tears,
but I won’t promise you anything,
because I know promises like that get broken everyday,
and I like to keep my word.

I will never be an easy person to love,
when you tell me I am wonderful,
my response will be,
“Oh, are you sure?”
When you want to break down and tell me about your day,
I will see it coming, and break down first.
I need attention.

I will never be an easy person to love,
and the chances that I will sell most of my belongings,
pack my bags,
and travel the world,
alone,
are higher than me sticking around to hear,
“I love you”

But if I do,

if I stick around,

keep your bags by your bed,
I always look at plane tickets at two in the morning,
and catching a train is the first thing on my mind when I wake up.
If you chose to love me anyways,
and I let you,
don’t ask me to promise you anything,
and don’t you dare say you will stay,
live right now,
in today.
When I start to cry,
cry with me.
When my hands shake from anxiety,
hold them.

I will never be an easy person to love,
but it’s not easy for me to be in love, either,
so don’t expect so much from me,
I am who I am,
and maybe I will love you, too,